Have you ever come across something that left you absolutely dumbfounded, so much so, that you have to stop and think ‘why’?
Yesterday marked our 1 year, 3 month anniversary of being here, and I still find that certain things I see, smell, eat and experience; things that seem to be conventional here - still leave me totally perplexed and spellbound.
Obviously all cultures have different aspects to them that make them so diverse and unique. These aspects also allow for a myriad of irresolute feelings, more commonly known as ‘culture shock’. Culture shock can come in waves both good and bad. When traveling to different countries it is a great idea to enlighten yourself ahead of time and prepare to be periodically astounded. I have put together an incessant list, of all the strange and wonderful things that you will most likely come across if you ever find yourself in this illecebrous land. If you can think of something I might have left out, please add it to the comments section below.
1) This spot has been saved for the range of seriously unpleasant emotions that can be felt in any toilet experience. An upgrade to majority of the bathrooms found in the Philippines (most of which lack a seat as well as a flushing mechanism), the common form of latrine in Korea is one where you find yourself squatting over a porcelain hole in the ground. The ‘Squattypotty’, as we have come to call them, can be a glorious way to expel the bowels. However, when the squatty has been previously used by someone who has appalling aim, the mere sight of the throne can get your gag reflexes rolling. More often than not, a dingy old squattypotty that is saturated in flushing water, pungent yellow urine, mud and possibly poop, that shares a 1x1 meter space with a urinal and is situated in a dark alley somewhere, is your only option.
Your privy experience can be further compromised by the general lack of toilet paper, tissues or wipes. In most instances a giant roll will be placed at the entrance and it is in these first moments where you have to decide just how much of it you might need. It can be quite an awkward experience when you run to the loo, and, while standing in line, you unravel meters and meters of this rough, recycled paper – just in case you might need extra (who ever knows) - with a silent audience burning holes in your fistful of TP, who are already thinking, ‘yup, she’s taking a dump in here’. Therefore, make sure you are well equipped with wet wipes and a pack or two of mini tissues before attempting to ‘drop the kids off at the pool’.
Finally, but only for now, it is paramount to remember that the plumbing in some countries was not designed to handle toilet paper being continuously flushed down. If you find yourself in a country where paper is not the preferred cleaning method, water or a bidet will be provided and you don’t have to go through the arduous task of throwing your used paper in the bin. Here, you have one of two choices: 1. Clog the toilet and have an overflow of sewage or 2. Use the bins, really satiating ones, that are more often than not, filled to the brim with poo paper. Yes, you read correctly, uncovered, zealously brown, funky, pieces of shit paper. Adding to that, if you are a woman, this experience could be substantially worsened by ladies who have their ‘magic’ on and really don’t give a crap about keeping it to themselves.
On the upside, bathrooms are generally clean, also, at times you will be spoilt for choice, and discover these magnificent high-tech, increased functionality, robot-like ‘toilets’, with multi-paragraph manuals and millions of buttons. These commodes are so advanced that they heat, clean and dry all the dangly bits, during and after you have done your duty. So who gives a damn where you have to chuck the paper?!
2) On that note, rub-it-out soap.
While we are on the topic of lavatories, one has to make a mention of the weird and wonderful soap you can find within. In most public restrooms, people are used to using a soap dispenser that is attached to the wall and provides a single serving of soap with every squeeze of a lever or push of a button. Nowadays, you may even come across entire bathrooms that are completely motion censored so as to reduce the amount of germs and bacteria and other nasty substances, being shared among people. Some public bathrooms across Korea, however, have something really unique. Like a bar of soap, it is used over and over again by a myriad of different people. Unlike a bar of soap, it is oval shaped and attached to the wall by means of a metal rod. As you can see, the motions used so as to apply the soap to your hands, allows the imagination to run riot. Hence the designated name.
3) And; mirrors, mirrors, on the walls.
Mirrors in the bathroom, ordinary right? Sure. But what mirrors, how many of them, and where are they situated? I have come across so many public lavatories that boast entire walls, from top to bottom, bestrewn with mirrors. Not only is a mirror provided for the washing up area, but a second area is armed with a colossal sized one for the ladies who need to ensure that their already perfect makeup is beyond flawless. This takes a substantial amount of time to accomplish, ergo, two big mirrors. But it does not end there. Remember the wonderful squattypotty previously mentioned? Well, oftentimes you will walk into a cubicle, take a squat and low and behold… a perfectly sized mirror to watch your every expression and facial exposés while you are busy. Perhaps it has been strategically placed there for those who are in a rush, have no time and need to ‘kill two birds with one stone’. Be that as it may, who doesn’t want tosee what they look like while on the john?
4) Ajumma (아줌마) rising.
The word ajumma comes from the Korean ajumeoni (아주머니) and is a polite way of referring to a middle aged, married woman. It can also mean a variety of things, such as: aunt, auntie, lady, older lady, housewife, wife, madam or ma’am. The word ajumma is generally used to address any woman who is, or may be, significantly older than you. It is probably one of the most commonly used terms here. Second, only to nehhh (네), as us waygookin tend to use it rather extensively. Through the ages, this word has been modified and optimized, and we therefore shouldn’t trust a Korean-English translation when trying to figure out an exact meaning for this culturally complex word. When looking at the dictionary definition, ajumma seems a rather trite, and conventional term. You are probably wondering why it even deserves a mention, well, that’s because ajumma is not just a word, no, it is a symbol.
When anyone here hears the word ajumma, a stereotypical picture starts forming in their minds. The paradigmatic ajumma is short and stocky, with a distinct, bandy-legged traipse. Her hair is short and tightly permed. It is never ever grey, but rather dyed black, sometimes with a red tint. She will most likely be wearing bright, mismatched clothing; usually purple. Added accessories could include the longer than normal sun visor, meant to assist with her permanent scowl due to lifelong exposure to the sun and the pram-like Zimmer frame, used to assist with the 90 degree angle to which her back bends.
Along with these strong physical characteristics, the word ajumma is a symbol due to their general behaviors. These women seem to have an implausible amount of strength and will use it to heave you out the way, like a prop will tackle in rugby, to get where she needs to be with no notion of lines or queues. She will also use this strength to run to a ‘get-away’ bus, chuck her 500 weighty boxes into the open door and heave herself in. Later, pretending as though she is struggling to walk up the steps. To be honest, I suffer from slight ‘ajummaphobia’, despite their generally sweet nature, they can be terrifying. Put them in a group, add some alcohol (usually soju) and the 사랑해 (saranghae) song and you have a raucous party on your hands.
5) Bizarre sculptures, EVERYWHERE.
Although sexually conservative, Korea has an enviable comfort with the penis. Well, with general God-given bodily externalities and their abilities, actually. Firstly, everything you eat, be it a root or a leaf, ginseng or garlic – will, without a doubt, in the mind of most, give you a highly desired kind of stamina. Then of course, if you ever feel like you need your daily dose of phallus, you can simply pop into any souvenir store, off-the-beaten-track knickknack stop, tourist attraction or park or even closely examine the area around you, and you are bound to find some form of manhood grounds, or wood sculpture (pun intended) peeking out from somewhere.
Many years ago the male sex was considered “sexually superior to the female sex” and therefore you are guaranteed to discover a variety of phallus-centered artistic figures, such as: giant wrinkled tools arcing towards the sky, or others standing seriously erect. Wind chimes shaped like Willies. Magnificent, veiny shafts made out of stone, wood, iron, ceramic and cement. Some with faces on them. Life-size monuments of masturbating men, or the male organism in all his glory, doing what he knows best. Cock shaped benches, drinking holes and tap faucets. Glorious bodies intertwined in the multitude of positions known to man, as well as some unknown.
Not only does Korea pride itself on the kinky ‘Love land’ on Jeju island , where eroticism meets sexuality, meets art, but moreover, just north of where we live is the famous Haeshindang Gongwon (penis park) and further west in Pocheon (near Seoul), an arcane countryside road, lined with penis, is the welcoming path to a two storey, rustic restaurant called Deulmusae. The restaurant was turned into a ‘penis restaurant’ after a Buddhist monk decided that it had too much cold, female energy and that the vaginal appearance of the land made conditions even worse. To smooth out this icy aura, phallic sculptures were incorporated into the composition. All crockery from which a diner eats or drinks out of, can distract the guest due to their ever-present ceramic genitalia.
Apart from the sexual sculptures, Korea and Koreans are also oddly contented with bodily excretions. This makes for some truly interesting artwork being produced. Almost any playground or recreational area is flushed with massive sculptures of poop, people hunkered down with faecal matter strategically placed at their feet, different facial expressions depicting the diverse feelings of nature’s call, pictures and murals of toilet culture, bowl shaped buildings, butt shaped chairs and souvenirs shaped like meadow muffins. Then again, they are simply expressing the scatological humor that the rest of us secretly enjoy in the quiet of our own minds.
6) What on earth is a double eye-lid? When we first arrived here I popped into a CU store, which is similar to your everyday B.P. quick stop back home, or 7/11 convenience shop. I can’t even recall what I was looking for (most likely something for my students who I promised candy to, a couple days prior), what I do remember seeing, however, was an entire aisle dedicated to cosmetics and beauty. I remember feeling quite impressed, as not only did this little convenience store stock all the general necessities as well as a hot-coffee maker, a hot water for ramen maker, deep fried chicken, warm pastries, beer, soju and hard alcohol, condoms and lube and a selection of gifts and toys but now they also had anything a ladies heart might desire, on the odd chance her mascara has smudged or a sudden pimple has decided to erupt on her forehead.
I decided to peruse through the items, you never know when a situation might arise when you will search the files of your mind for that one recollecting moment when you saw the solitary place to buy a toothbrush after hours. Among the fake eyelashes and contact lens cases, one of the most capricious things I encountered was a thin, transparent, plastic packet. The contents being two tiny, crescent moon shaped, white strips of paper and an application stick that looked like a toothpick with a miniature ‘y’ stuck on the end. In big black writing the words ‘Double eyelid’ validated the goods inside. “What the eff is a double eyelid?” I remember giggling to myself as I shook my head. I mean, what next, right.
Honestly, I felt slightly dumb, as the answer to that question eluded me. What were double eyelids, and who on earth gives a damn about such minutiae? This was the first time I had ever heard of an eyelid crease being referred to as such. After asking around and inquiring through the ‘Google’ machine, my research left me somewhat startled. At least half of all Asians are born without a double crease in their eyelids, the apparent common crease that allows a Westerner’s eyes to seem big. Now, due to the fact that there is a fairly shallow belief of what beauty really is and how already gorgeous woman must change their look in order to be appreciated as ‘beautiful’, blepharoplasty, surgery that creates the double eyelid or ssangapul in Korean, is common practice among young girls in Asia, especially places like Japan and Korea.
Consequently, interested women, who would like to add to their numerous facial adjustments, can do one of two things: blepharoplasty or the less expensive, less painful double eyelid glue strips that can be bought almost anywhere, even at your general CU shop on the corner. You know, for those random occasions where you might want to make your eyes 'pop’. Ok, I guess looking more attractive or more western isn’t the only reason for these extreme measures of changing what you look like, but I am certain that it is one of the more fundamental ones. Perhaps I should buy a pair just to see the confused expression on the cashiers face when I place them on the counter.
This blog post could literally be ceaseless. There are far too many things that, on a daily basis, confuse or intrigue, not only newcomers, but most people who are living abroad. This is part one of possibly many more lists of these arbitrary things that leave people captivated in the culture of this alluring country. If you would like us to write about something that you found bizarre or outlandish, let us know in the comment box below. I promise to leave the descriptions slightly shorter next time.